| New Years Reflection |
[Dec. 27th, 2009|04:48 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Michael Buble, "I'll Be Home For Christmas" | ] |
Actually, my New Years post is about five years ago, just after another New Years celebration.
I had gone to a friend's house one night for the surprise birthday party of an acquaintance. I remember being a little awkward and very shy because I didn't know many people there. John was one of the first people to arrive. I remember perfectly: I was putting on my eye make up in the mirror and steeling little peeks at the same time. He had his hands in his pockets, wearing jeans and a tee shirt with an opened button down over it. He had his long hair at the time, but it was pulled back in a red, backwards NeverDead hat which was his staple. We had met a few times, very briefly, before hand, but had never actually interacted even though we were practically in the same social circle. I remember thinking how nice he seemed, and had noticed that he had the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. I also remember walking over to a birthday card and signing my name on it while making a small joke of what was written in the card. Little did I know, he had moved to stand right behind me, also to sign his signature, and laughed at my joke. Of course, I turned a little red and continued to stand behind the only person I really knew there.
When the party moved to the basement, John had sat in a little chair next to a little table which held a little bowl of 3 Musketeers bars (Ooh, I LOVE those candies... sorry, *ahem*). I sat on the couch next to a girl or two that I had gone to high school with. I felt a little awkward, being that I wasn't really talking to anyone but the hostess of the party, but in my quick little glances, I realized that neither was he. I also noticed that everytime I stole a gaze at him, he kept diverting his own eyes because he had been staring at me. I kept getting up and walking over to the little candy bowl to take a piece and then moved back to my seat. The party was pretty involved, with music and a lot of people, so I figured it would go unnoticed if I kept sneaking some more. Well, he noticed. On my fourth trip or so, he turned and said, quite plainly, "You know, you can bring it over there." I think I stammered a little and replied, "Yeah, I know." I stopped getting up after that, I thought he was making fun of me. A moment or so later, he took the candy dish, walked over to where I was sitting, and introduced himself. He took a seat next to me and asked me a lot of questions: what I liked, where I went to school, what my favorite things to do were. I didn't respond enthusiastically right away, because in true Michelle fashion, I was scared out of my mind that someone was showing me this kind of attention and so interested. I retaliated and asked him almost as many questions, and we realized we had a lot in common. We spoke for the rest of the night, and almost nothing broke our conversation. I wanted to know everything about him, and was delighted that he wanted to know everything about me as well. We had a lot of the same interests, and he was amazed at a lot of mine. It was funny when we finally came to age question. He looked about my age, but I couldn't be sure. I remarked that he was probably older than me, because most of everyone I met was. He countered with the same thing. He won, September baby is older than October baby... Ugh, so close! I remember feeling really comfortable, after all those questions. When my mom finally came to pick me up, he asked me for my number or screen name. I was gathering my things, and asked him to get my information from Megan, who threw the party. That night, I went home and told my big sister all about this "amazing boy" I had met.
I remember him IMing me after the weekend was over, and being really nervous. SO nervous, that after our casual "hi, how are you?" banter, I pasted a link to an article I had been reading about a man who had been trapped in the mountains by a giant snow ball and who had urinated all over himself to melt the snow and break free. He was a bit thrown at my randomness I think, but he was just as nervous, so it was an ice-breaker... literally :)
After that, we were inseparable. We hung out every chance we had, and it was always light and meaningful at the same time. We became best friends very quickly. The first time we saw each other, the following weekend after the party, we went to see a movie called "Boogie Man." We walked from the movie theatre to a fast food restaurant and talked totally uninterrupted for four hours straight. We never hung out in any group. We always saw each other one on one, but neither of us made any romantic advancements on one another... we didn't need to, truthfully. We had both been going through our own romantic dilemma's at the time, and were both well aware of each others. We had both made a few mistakes during our time as friends with our separate romantic relations, and had been there to help each other through it and give sound, unaffected advice. We cared deeply enough for each other that, even though it wasn't time for us yet, the council we took in one another was from a place of general concern for each others' well being in those romantic endeavors.
As close friends often do, we had a slight sex talk. John was really impressed that I was such a good girl, compared to a lot of the girls he had known in his life. I was sixteen, had dated a twenty year old in the past year, and was still saving myself for someone special. He knew I was conservative in a lot of respects, but he found it really refreshing, apparently. He had remarked that I was the first girl he knew that still was one at sixteen, and that it seemed like everyone else had already had multiple partners, or had been sexual in one way or another through out their high school careers. I remember rolling my eyes and laughing saying, "You and me both, buddy."
It wasn't until the end of July, when I took John out to dinner before his move to New Jersey, that I gave him two options: kiss me or sing something for me. A few moments before I made my request, he had been explaining to me that he realized that he loved me, that he had never been truly in love before, but that it felt like this was the real thing. He said he was nervous about what I would say, and therefore, didn't want me to reply so soon. This is why I had remained silent, but gave him those two options. He had always refused to sing, which I had always teased him about, but I thought he would make an exception after his declaration. I remember wondering what song he would choose while he chuckled nervously. I laughed too and started to continue walking, figuring I had embarrassed him. Until he caught my wrist, and slightly pulled me closer, then leaned down and kissed me. It was the most perfect first kiss. There was no tongue, nothing primal like most youngin' teenagers "hooking up" with each other. It was completely chaste, but I promise did not lack for passion. It was slow and simple. We continued talking about our usual topics, it wasn't in anyway uncomfortable or awkward, just pleasant and natural... like we had always been when we saw each other. We continued to make our jokes and talk about our lives, and how he felt about moving to New Jersey, away from the only life he had ever known on Staten Island. The only difference was this: we had held hands for the rest of the night.
And now we are where we are today, planning our future together. We've gone through a lot and will go through more of course, but we have always come out stronger and more in love than ever... and will continue doing so. We are best friends and very similar, yet very different at the same time - but we suit each other perfectly and balance each other out. We can't imagine life without each other :)
</romantic-reflection>
As I'm sure it was expected for this to be the topic for my new years post, this is my new years post. I hope everyone is as excited for the new year as much as I am! |
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